uhhh

We are in texas somewhere on our 26th hour of driving. Im so over it.
We only have one show between here and florida. ....stupid huh? Yeah.
We are broke too. Oh well.
I just ate subway. It was so gross. Their chicken must be synthetic.
If not then i've got no idea what they do to it.
It smells so bad here. Like a fart. Real big bad fart.
That last post MUST have been too weird. Not even a comment about it! Haha

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i wish...

i wish i knew more people who saw the magical side of life. the times where you really wonder if what we see is what we get. i dont believe that to be true at all, because what i know that what i see is not what i end up with. i am talking more about imagination. i think its something we have once, and kinda lose. or most people do anyways. for me, its kind of always stuck. and it makes things so much better in my life. sounds ridiculous! doesn't it? i watched a movie called Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium the other night that seriously struck something right on the head for me. Natalie Portman calls the banker guy a "just" guy meaning things are just things. a horse is just a horse or a song is just a song. but really, it isn't. or could not be if you didn't want it to be. hearing that helped me figure out how to describe people like that.

i dont really know what this blog is about. mainly, i wish more people had open imaginations and didn't feel stupid about something. i wish more people read. i wish more people could convince themselves that they saw something they really really didn't see. or maybe they did? when i was real young, i could have sworn i saw a unicorn running beside our van on a family trip. but id like to think i did still. i listen to sound tracks and symphonies mostly because they are inspiring. when i drive all night they keep my mind going, and to the others, puts them to sleep. i think God gave us imaginations for a good reason. life isn't just life like we see it, right? there's lots of hidden things around us. just gota see them. i hope this doesn't sound too ridiculous and weird.

today

man oh man has God been throwing my life around like a dang ol' rag doll. im so torn up in so many different ways (emotionally). life is really hard sometimes. i hate to be so vague but i guess my whole life is going up in smoke in a lot of different ways.

i hope that some day God will just knock me on the head and everything will be all too clear. crap, i sound so emo...haha.

ive been listening to a lot of new things lately. my friend ryan gave me the whole cardigans discography. been listening to that. ive been listening to a lot of philip glass (composer who did the illusionist, heroes) and jeremy enigk.

im not going to africa for a year.. ha. i messed up the dates. i cant wait to go though. hailee is very jealous. i wish she could go with me but her work schedule at the time is going to be too crazy. she is a florist and there will be a lot of weddings and things at the time. unfortunately. it wont be the same without the girl. but, its going to be amazing.

im going to post a donation thing. any little bit at all will help. i have to raise $3000. yikes! thats a lot, and there is no way i can do that on my own. but i really feel God pulling me there. pulling me by my ears and my heart. no one likes to be pulled by the ears. so if you could, when the time comes to help me, i would so appreciate it.

goodnight!

hayyyy

well...

what to say?

we are home now. the tour was so funnnnn.. all the bands were so amazing. we made some real good friends. congratulations to dustin from sever your ties! he's engaged! i like when all the bands get along really well and are always good to watch.

so what now?

we are going to be doing an EP soon. all new music. all new new. ive been working a lot since ive been home (2 days). its raining like crazy here.


im going to africa! i will be leaving july 22nd and coming back august 2nd <(thanks for helping me fix those dates! hahaha)> we are going to kenya. i am so so so excited. we will be hanging out with kids and teaching soccer/basketball camps. we'll be going into slums and feeding people and hanging out and im sure a lot of other things i dont know about yet.

i cant wait to spend time with them. its going to change my life. ive always wanted to go over there and help. sounds pretty vague, i know. i dont know exactly what im going to be doing there.

if any of you can donate and help me get there, i would be extremely grateful. i dont have the money to go but im relying on God to provide that for me. and i know He will.

anyways,

...goodbye! :)

almost Christmas eve...

wooo i cant wait! i love Christmas. so much. this year should be really fun. it was more about me giving to others than asking for anything. my christmas list was pretty bare. i asked for a box of cheez-its too. but i got everyone really cool things. i shouldn't write them on here because my parents probably read this. and justin might too. but they are all real cool thingssss.

hailee is with her family in sacramento right now. im going up there tuesday morning after we do all of our stuff here. we're gona eat with her family and then drive back up to chico to hang out with my family. should be gooood. its our second Christmas together. i took her to disneyland for Christmas. a little early, but still. goooood. here are some pictures!









those bugs life glasses were pushed up way too far on my face! HA

from Los Angeles.

heyyy. alex and i had to miss the show in san diego because we had to fix the van yesterday. so we are at a hotel right now hanging out. we invited our friends jesse from we shot the moon and nick from the morning light to hang out with us. it was an acoustic show so none of us were needed. anyways, we went to see the movie hitman and then hopped into another movie, fred claus. it was really good. both of them. then we went grocery shopping and got spaghetti, bread, and fudge bars. made dinner, went in the hot tub and hung out. it was a really good day off.

now we are off to H&M in costa mesa, ca. its like 10 minutes away. i love H&M. i love shopping in LA.
the van is fixed and we are good to go.

show tonight at the alley in fullerton, ca.
id like to see you if you go!

casey calvert.

i hesitated to write a blog about this because it seemed kind of...i dont know what. there is a word for it but i dont know what it is.

when someone you know or love passes away it leaves some sort of weird shock inside of you for a while. if you cant relate, compare it to, say.. when your mom comes in your room and tells you that she found your report card and that you are grounded for the rest of your life. then multiply that by a million and throw in a little bit of food poisoning.

at first, hearing the news that "someone in Hawthorne passed away" sounded like a bad joke. i actually laughed and said that there is no way that could be true. immediately after, our manager called me and told me that i should be prepared for some shocking news. i knew right after what he was going to say. im sure this is the story for most of us. shocked.

you know, i feel kind of weird writing this. i feel like i am some person who is trying to be public about knowing a person in an established band to make me look cool. but i just wanted to give my thanks and good memories. so, here we go...

met casey 2 years ago. Hawthorne Heights and Brighten became friends. so on. we we went on tour. anyways, to the fun stuff.

i drum teched for eron on the Hawthorne Heights tour that Brighten did earlier this year. i slept on their bus most of the time because the drives were so long a lot of the time and sound checks were sorta early in the day. casey was a really funny guy. thats obvious. you could look at the dude and laugh. just the facial expressions he always had were easy to laugh at. he always slept in and went to bed first. his bunk was funny. he had so much stuff in there. i dont know how he did it and
still slept. if you've never been in a bus bunk area, its like sleeping on top of a sleeping bag. if you go over the edge of that, you fall off. he had stuffed animals, drinks, snacks, clothes, a computer, books.. and Lord knows what else in that bunk. it was funny. he would always walk out into the front lounge in his boxers or bright red pajama pants with a 'what time is it'
look on his face. he was easy going. i always felt bad about eating their food, but i guess i was a crew member so it was okay. he always told me to eat it though. i would bring snacks on stage because i always got hungry when i worked with them. casey would always walk over to me while playing with his mouth open so i
could throw a pretzel or goldfish in there or something.

we also started doing this thing where he would hand me his guitar while he screamed on one part (which is what that picture is). that was the highlight of the tour for me and he knew it. so he kept letting me do it. at every show, he would hang out with all of my band or the other bands outside our vans or wherever we were. he kicked it with us all the time. when we were loading and he was there, he would help us out with our cases and amps and stuff. he didn't have to at all. but he did because he had a good heart. fame never went to his head, i could tell.


casey calvert was a friend of mine. a great guy that i am going to miss terribly. he was one of those friends that makes you happy even at the thought of him. and that is what i will take from this. the good thoughts. the good memories about what he did for me as a friend and how well he always treated everyone.

God does everything for a reason. Im never quite sure about death, but i believe that He is always in control.